There has always been bullying and there will always be bullying. It is our faulty human nature, often times poor training and desire to fit in that lets us sink into the trap of hierarchy. I watched this unfold when in 7th grade Cait moved from a small private school where poor behavior was noticed and corrected to the public school system.

She had many wonderful teachers in the public school including the shop teacher who would let her eat lunch in his classroom when the “mean girls” made it impossible for her to sit and eat in peace in the cafeteria. It turns out that the cafeteria is a common place that bullying rears its head. In the case of Caits bullying it began almost immediately and by the middle of her 7th grade year she was allowed to go to class late to avoid the halls and leave school late to run to my car (usually in tears) to avoid contact. We ended up pulling her from school just a few months before the school year was over.

The bullying took shape in all the normal forms, exclusion, name calling (slut, lesbo, Caits pregnant, Cait has herpies, Cait has cancer), on line gossip and even physical intimidation. We and many students reported to no avail. After a few years and no break from the bullying Cait returned to public school because she had goals and dreams. Every kid has goals and dreams and they need supports to find them and pursue them. Bullying continued and Caits spirit was crushed time and time again. We spent 4 years daily building her up and pushing her forward when she wanted to give up. One of the most painful things for me next to being physically without my daughter, is to remember how much pain she was in.

She would call me from school crying with her voice shaking after cruel words spoken or the time that she couldn’t get her locker open because all semester someone, or a group of students had put chewed gum on her combination lock to her locker. She would take a tissue with her every  morning without telling me why. Eventually after a month of removing the gum every day there was too much build up and the lock would no longer turn. She just began to sob and a teacher came to her assistance. It was years of instances like that that caused Cait to give up on this world and I honestly cannot blame her.

After her death so many kiddos came forward and told us that they saw it happening to her but did not know what to do. The truth is that there wasn’t a great solution for them and so…..Peerkindness was born. We need to give teachers, paras, administrators, children and anyone that works worth children the tools to cause effective change in school culture. We need to raise the bar and expect the best from and for each other. We don’t get a redo. I may have lost my daughter and believe me when I tell you I wish it were different but the reality is that we are changing the world without her here in it.

We have to rise up and help one another be the best possible people that we can. We need to rely on each other and support each other. We as adults need to set examples of behavior no matter how uncomfortable it might be to change.

Cait was a gentle soul that loved and accepted every person she met. My hope as we near year 6 without her here with us is that we can effect real change and create supports for kids to be the best possible people they can be.